Having Faith Is What It Takes

Hey Lovely readers! Sorry its been a wile since i wrote last.. A lot of things have been going on in my life.. Some good, some bad but overall I have a sense of peace. The Lord is so good to me and I am so blessed and honored that He still cares so much and still wants to help me... I have taken so many wrong turns in my life that I feel so unworthy of this kind of love... I know I don't deserve it in the least bit but, He still cares.. 

About a month ago my parents made the decision for me to come home from college.. I wasn't doing a very good job of taking care of myself.. I guess i was hoping that the more I helped others and payed attention to them and there needs, that maybe my issues would just go away.. I LOVE helping people and being there for them.. Well what I thought would work, didn't.. I came home feeling so broken, so alone, helpless, trapped, abandoned, betrayed... But the one word I now realize i didn't feel, was "Hopeful.." I felt like I had no hope.. Like there was no point in living any longer.. I felt as if I had lost everything I've worked so hard to get.. My friends.. the clubs/organizations I was involved in at school, my health, my life, and in a little way, God.. I couldn't understand why this was happening to me.. why couldn't I just take care of myself in the first place? My family was frustrated yet scared all at the same time because they have never seen me as low as i had been.. No one new how to act or what to say to me, which was very difficult.. But the Lord is ALWAYS faithful!!! I had no idea what I was going to do next, so I prayed... I prayed and prayed and prayed.. Asking the Lord to guide me unto the way I should go.. doors began to open before me and that was when I realized that there is always room for Hope.. The Lord did not give us a heart of fear but a heart of courage! God was telling me "Taylor I know you are scared.. But trust in me and everything will be ok!! I PROMISE!!" So I began to trust that He new what He was doing.. Even when I had no clue what to do or what to expect, God had a plan so why should I be afraid?? 

Like I said Doors began to open unto me and resources and connections began flowing in like a blanket of monsoon rain. With the God given free time I now had (since I wasn't at school) I began the search for a treatment center to go to. A place that was Christ centered, a place of healing and restoration, a place that God wanted ME to go to, and of course a place that wasn't extremely expensive.. (which is hard to find..) So I continued to trust the Lord even though i had fear that it wasn't going to work out.. Fear that I wasn't worth the time or effort, fear that I didn't deserve healing.. Now I don't know why I felt this way.. Maybe that was just Satan in my head.. 

I found 2 places- Christian based and FREE

Mercy Ministries (MM)

http://www.mercyministries.org/homepage

His Mansion Ministries (HM)  

http://www.hismansion.com/

Patiently waiting.. I filled out my applications and sent them in.. (let me tell you... waiting for the unexpected is one of the HARDEST things to do.. In my opinion anyways!) So I waited and waited and then got a phone interview for MM, then had to wait another week for the actual interview.. I honestly think that there is always room for improvement when it comes to patience.. We could all use some help in that area.. haha I know God is always testing mine!

Well then a week later... I got a call from HM! They wanted to set up a phone interview!! The interview went great and I just had an overwhelming peace that this was the place I needed to go!! A friend of mine whose nephew went to this facility had so many good things to say about it.. Then her sister (who has a prayer ministry in Dallas tx) told me that she would sponsor me to go there if I got in! Then on top of all of this her sister knows a girl whose name is also Taylor. Well ironically Taylor just got out of HM in the Spring of last year! She called HM for me and gave them a heads up that they would be receiving my application soon and told them a little about me. How COOL is that???  It was as if God was telling me.. I want you HERE!! I am going to make the way before you so that you will not have to worry about a thing.. 1 month later I got excepted into HM.. actually just found out last Monday, November 28 2011!!! It was the most reassuring feeling I've had this whole time of waiting.. I felt so hopeful that my patience and faith in the Lord payed off!! Now there also was the doubting feeling in my head.. like "oh my gosh.. do i deserve this?? Do I really need to go to a treatment center??" But as those thoughts pop in and out of my head I remind myself that the Lord is taking care of me and if I wasn't supposed to go to HM then I would have never got excepted in the first place.. The Father is in control and I trust Him with ALL of my heart!! What else do I have to do.. Except waist my time worrying about something that is already being taken care of for me! 

Every day I remind myself that the Lord HAS a plan and if He opens a door I WILL go through it! Yes it may be hard and terrifying at times but if the Lord is with you no one can harm you! WE as Christians are untouchable!! Often times I forget that... Satan gets it in my head that I've already lost so why keep on fighting or are you really worth it? But the TRUTH is; Jesus already paid the price for our sins! Victory has already been won! I am the child of the King and untouchable because the same power that raised Christ from the dead is the SAME power that lives inside of me and every other Believer!! What CAN'T we do if we have that same power?? 

I know i've talked a lot but I feel like this has to be said! God knows we are NOT perfect!! But He doesn't want us to live broken lives either.. He is the healer, the bringer of good things! Some times we ask for prayers to be answered and things don't work out the way you wanted them to.. Remember that God KNOWS what He is doing!! He can see the big picture!! We just see a tiny conner... Trust and know that the Lord is Good! He is the ONLY thing that can give you joy in life even in the worst part of the storm.. You will always have that Joy in your heart!! Happiness comes and goes but Joy lasts forever!! 

If I didn't have my faith or hope in the Lord I wouldn't be alive right now.. I would have given up a long time ago.. I know that God has a HUGE plan in store for my life and apart of that plan involves me going to His Mansion for a year... Seeking healing, guidance, comfort, strength, and knowledge on who He is, who I am in Him, and how He sees me! One year from NOW I will be free from all of my pain! Yes I know that the road is going to be rough ahead but I know that God is always going to be with me and will help me through the many storms I am going to encounter. 

Im terrified about going to a place, a place I've never been and going all alone, knowing no one there... But although the fear is boiling up I remember that God has a plan! This is where He wants me to go! Its just another adventure I get the privilege to go on with my Father in Heaven and another test of my faith!

Know that the Lord is always faithful!! He loves you SO very much and everything we go through will build you up and make you a stronger believe in Him! If life was perfect we would have no reason to to have faith or to trust in the Lord when times were tough! It is because of the difficult times in our lives that make us who we are today! The amazing person God made you to be! Perfect in HIS IMAGE!! (I am working on this last part!) 

Things happen for a reason right?? 

Because I came home I have been blessed in many different ways!

-Time of relaxation 

-More time to spend with the Father

-Communication with my family is getting a "little" better (definitely hard at time.. lots of miscommunication as well)

-Time to research and meditate on where God was calling me to go

-Time with my church family and being able to receive there encouragement and support as well

-Time to practice piano again!!! Life at school left me with no time to play anymore and that was really hard.. 

-Having the opportunity to learn new piano music and play in my friends piano recital

-Being able to see my sister as she goes through the end of her pregnancy and being able to meet my nephew! (that is when he is born...any day now!)

-Having the opportunity to make a baby quilt for my new nephew 

-Learn new recipes

-Got to have thanksgiving with my family

-Don't have to stress about finals and can focus on regaining strength and healing for now!

All of these things would have never happened if my parents never made the decision for me to come home. (2 months shy of the end of the semester..) I am so blessed to have a family that cares so much about me.. I know it has been hard for them to see me hurt but its because of that pain that I am able to write this to you write now.. Times get hard and although I was VERY angry (at first) with the fact that I couldn't finish the semester, I am now blessed beyond belief that things have turned out the way they have and I now trust God completely, more then ever before!!

Blessings come in many different shapes and sizes, so even if God sends you a blessing and its not in the form you wanted it in.. Except it and remember that God HAS a plan! It may not line up with your plan (most of the time it doesn't) But NEVER stop believing! Never for one second let Satan convince you that YOU are not worth anything.. Because you are worth EVERYTHING!! 

I pray that in some way what I have shared with you has given you a sense of hope, a sense that you are NOT alone! 

Hope Sustains,

~Taylor~

Taken Prisoner

I sit at my computer, wanting to write a blog, as my mind begins to transform into mush. my eyes are saying go to sleep and my body and mind are saying keep going don't stop. 

Lately, my interest in my future career has taken hold of me. I am a captive of something I'm yearning to become one with. Music therapy is slowly become more of what my heart is wanting to become. If that makes sense. The more I've read and learn about it, the more anxious I grow. This is truly were my heart is at and I can not wait to get to the point in my life when I can use this to do miraculous things in this world.

Now days music is becoming more popular and scientist are beginning to realize that music can truly heal the mind body and soul.  Science has been around for quite some time but i believe music has been around longer than that, since the beginning of time. 

I just want to learn so much and time seems to be going so slow! I mean, I don't want life to go to fast but i have this passion for learning and I can't seem to get enough of it!

For now that's all i can say, because like I said before my mind is slowly turning into mush. The later the night grows the more my brain becomes a scrambled puzzle.

See ya 

Continuing On.

Today I’m going to talk about Friday night and Saturday. After my test on Friday, I got a tour of the campus, which was pretty neat. I also got a look at the dorms so I could have a better idea of what dorm I want to live in.

I tell you, I’ve never been to a place that had so many people that were as nice as these people were. I was swished away in the breeze of kindness that blew past me. I really think this school is one of the best things that has blossomed in my life.

Saturday was orientation, and I thought it was going to be a long and a semi stressful day, but what I found was an environment filled with encouragement and joy.

One lady whom sticks fresh in my head is Debbie. Her last name has been lost in the hustle n bustle inside my head so I can’t recall it at the moment. I met her while on my tour of the campus on Friday night. My dad, the tour guide and I were walking towards her and she suddenly stuck her hand out to shake mine and said “hi Taylor my name is Debbie”. I was totally caught off guard that she even knew my name. She was so sweet and let me know she was working on getting resources ready for me for the fall; so I’ll have the same advantage as all the other fully sighted students.

Another person who I’m really looking forward to next year is Dr. Stutes. She is the Dean of the Music School at Wayland. The first time I met her was when I went to visit WBU back in February. I saw her on Saturday and she said “Oh hi Taylor it’s nice to see you again!” She was also very sweet and I look forward to being in her class in the fall. It made me feel so special that a few people remember me.

Saturday I got to pick my classes (16 credit hrs) and register for everything else that I would need next year. (Dorm, meal plan, picture id, financial aid, ect). It was very well organized and made it easy to get everything done in a timely manner. Although, it took about 6 hrs to get through every station.

In conclusion, I am so ecstatic about going to Wayland in the fall and I can’t wait to meet new people and try new things. At the end of June, I believe ill get to find out who my roommate will be. How cool is that? I can’t wait!!! J

My God is leading me, so I shall follow and obey. Everything is working out because I’ve put it all in high hands.

God bless. J

Updates

Ok, so I am currently in Stephenville, Texas visiting with some step family. Really, the reason I am in Texas to begin with is because registration was last Saturday and I had to take a placement test for math at the college I’m going to be attending in the fall. If you don’t know what school that is, its Wayland Baptist University. God sure has been working marvelous things in my life throughout this past year.

So any who, let’s start out with last Thursday. My dad and I left for Texas around 7pm, driving through the night. It was about a 12 hour drive to get to Wayland, and it was pretty cool that I got to spend so much time with just my dad. We got to talk a bit, and it really made me feel closer to him. I haven’t been very close to my dad in a very long time, so it felt really amazing to actually get to talk to him about all sorts of stuff.

We arrived at my school around 11:30 on Friday morning, which was exciting.

At 1 o’clock I took my math placement test. Can anyone guess what grade I got on it???? Bet not… lol I got an “A” on it!!!!! I totally thought I was going to fail it, but I guess I was wrong. J Since I got an “A” It placed me in the College Algebra class. Wow, me ahead, how did that happen?!?!? That totally made my day.

Saturday’s extravaganza will be posted tomorrow just so my blogs can stay semi short. If I post my blogs too long, I’m afraid no one will read them. So stay tuned for more exciting news on this new chapter in my life. J

See Ya

What has God been telling me?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I should have posted this blog a few days ago but I just procrastinated it. Anyways... 

God has been revealing a few things to me in the last couple of weeks. Here is what I’ve come to realize. 

1. I am supper small!!!! Sometimes I make myself feel big when I’m really not. God has shown me He is way bigger than I could have ever imagined. The link below is a video God used to show this to me. There are 5 videos you don’t have to watch all of them. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewKtSKbWZUI&feature=channel_page 

2. There was this old text my friend once sent me, it said, to think of 5 things that God has done that is worthy of praise. At the moment I couldn’t think of anything, but as time went on, I realized some things worth of praising. One of them is: Every day God blesses us with a new painting in the sky. Every day, it reminds me of how beautiful He really is. Have you ever heard anyone say a picture can never be as good as the real thing. That reminds me of when I try to take a picture of a sunset. I try so hard to capture what my eyes are taking in, but guess what it never seems as marvelous as it was in person. 

3. To cherish the time I have with the people I love because time fly’s really fast and before you know it you want to turn back time and unfortunately you can’t. 

4. If God wants you to do something, somehow you end up doing it anyway. He pushes and pushes you until you have to do what He says. He has a plan for my life so why do I keep fighting what he wants, after all he knows what’s best for me, but I do it anyway.

I think there is more, but I can’t think of the rest at the moment. :) Peace 

PHIL 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”

Monday news (its monday right) jk

Man, I love working out. :) There’s just something about it, it’s the way I feel afterwards, I guess. It’s the feeling of satisfaction that you did something good for your body. Unfortunately, I haven’t worked out in a wile because of that little thing called laziness. hahaha don’t we all hate that. lol 

Any ways I’m really trying to get back into shape again. I usually would be in shape by now, but since I couldn’t fit track into my schedule this year, it has made me more out of shape than ever before. Ill get back to where I was eventually hopefully :)

Anyway, on to a more serious note I just ate this amazing chicken salad, and it tasted absolutely amazing!!!! YUMMMMM =D it definitely hit the spot.

P.S.- Just a heads up Ill be posting another blog here soon. (either tonight or tomorrow) Tootles for now.

Got it all figured out?

OK so I sit here eating some yummy frosted flakes, looking at a blank word box wondering what thoughts I should through your way today. Then all of a sudden “Bamb!!!!” I know what I must say.... 

“Got it All Figured Out” Confused? Me too, just kidding. 

OK on with my thought.... 

Humans are pretty intelligent, don’t you think? We understand how storms are created. We map solar systems and transplant hearts. We measure the depths of the oceans and signal distant planets. We... have studied the system and are learning how it works. 

And, for some, the loss of mystery has led to the loss of majesty. The more we know, the less we believe. (really think about that) 

Strange, don’t you think? Knowledge of the workings shouldn’t negate wonder. Knowledge should stir wonder. Who has the more reason to worship than the astronomer who has seen the stars? Than the surgeon who has held a heart? Than the oceanographer who has pondered the depths? The more we know, the more it should amaze us! 

Ironically, the more we know, the less we worship..... We are more impressed with our discovery of the light switch than with the one who invented electricity.... Rather than worship the Creator; we worship the creation (Rom. 1:25). 

No wonder there is no wonder. We’ve figured it all out. 

Just a thought for the day. 

See ya!!! :)